The season of Lent is a solemn one for Christians seeking to grow closer to Jesus.
It reminds us of the pathway of Jesus, as he heads determinedly towards Jerusalem, suffering, and death. It is a time to reflect on the pathway of our own lives - my life.
Where have I been? Where am I heading?
The answer to the first question would have brought me a fair bit of shame a few years ago, and rightly so. This poem reflects my state of mind and heart:
When I have been there and
I have done that,
It is my heart-ache,
It is my heart break.
It is my damage,
It is my road crash.
It is my hindsight,
and my regret.
What you know now
What you wish then
has been said and done -
and not done,
and you can't turn
hands of time back -
It is my heart break,
It is my heart-ache
(c) JCV April 2008
I was clearly contemplating the sin, struggles and damage that I had done - to myself, and also to others - through my bad choices. I was not following the way of Jesus.
To my dismay, I look back and see that I had thrown off the cross of Christ and taken up a "cross" of self-fulfillment that I sought in relationships, partying and pleasure.
Where have I been? To the bottom of the metaphorical barrel.
Where was I heading? To more guilt and shame and personal suffering.
What changed in my life that brought me back to Jesus Christ?
Several things - harsh and awakening things, which I won't detail here as they are intensely personal.
I returned, like a prodigal, knowing that there was a place where servants were treated well and fed good food. I hedged all my bets on One who was good, and I turned my face toward Home.
I read the Psalms again, seeing with new eyes the grace and truth of the God who created heaven and earth, and who has good in store for those who trust and follow His ways.
Psalm 103 became my prayer:
Praise the Lord, O my soul:
and all that is within me, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul:
and forget not all his benefits,
Who forgives all your sins:
and heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from the pit:
and crowns you with mercy and compassion;
Who satisfies your being with good things:
so that your youth is renewed like an eagle's.
(verses 1-5)
This is my prayer, and my song - thanking God for his mercy, love and forgiveness.
I am not living in shame, I bow my head to the Forgiver.
I am not living in guilt, I follow the One who changes me.
In these last days before Easter weekend and the most solemn time of the year for Christians, let your heart rest in God who forgives and restores.
Easter reminds us of death, resurrection life and new beginnings for all who will follow Jesus.
Don't stay in the past, but put your feet on His paths today.
